Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.

Let’s get one thing straight from the onset—you are brave, you are resourceful and you are courageous. Care-giving for another adult is not for the weak of heart and you my dear are killing it!

The definition of support is to bear all or part of the weight; give assistance to or to keep things upright. It is important that we understand, with or without MS, we don’t need to carry the weight all by ourselves.  Burnout is a real thing and we need to prevent it.

Miguel and I have been married for over 31 year and while our relationship is a strong one, I find myself needing support.

Being a caregiver can be such a fulfilling experience, but it can also be an extremely lonely and draining one.  For me, being the spouse in the care-giving role can bring on not only physical challenges, but, also emotional ones that many people don’t fully understand. Oh and let’s not forget that in addition to being caregivers we are also:  mothers/fathers, working professionals, sons and daughters, siblings and friends, housekeepers, cooks,  chauffeurs, etc.

It is extremely important to find a safe and healthy outlet where you are able to be vulnerable and not have to filter your thoughts.  This should preferably not be a family member, as this can have a negative impact down the road on your relationship with the family unit and your spouse. 

Years ago I met a friend that went through a similar situation and she has been a lifeline over the years, but her time is limited as she has her own family to take care of.  Therefore, it is key that your support comes from several sources. 

There are several great sites and wonderful articles but there are times that nothing compares to human interaction.  Here are a few ideas that you may want to consider:

• Find a trusted group of friends that have walked or are walking through a similar season—this can become a mutual source of support

• Your Employee Assistance Program which usually provides between 3-5 FREE sessions with a licensed therapist

• Check if your house of worship provides onsite or telephonic counseling

• A non-profit in your town that provides support for caregivers

• Social media groups—There is an MS caregivers group that has been a lifeline to me on many occasions called The Other Side of MS.  Only caregivers are allowed to be part of this group which makes it extra special.

I am sure that there are other creative ways where you can find support but the main message here is to stop trying to do this all yourself.  Let’s face it, this role we play can be a very lonely and isolated one. You my friend, are already a superhero—you know that but allow yourself to take a break and let others in—this can be a blessing to you AND the other person.

Until next time…

Your friend,

Silvia